On the flip side, I took my Comparative Politics midterm at 5:30 last night. That class is so difficult, boring, and in my opinion, it is also very pointless. I am scared because I didn’t do that well on the two quizzes that we took, so if I don’t do well on the midterm, I know I’m going to have to withdraw from the class. Withdrawing is better than failing the class and bringing down my GPA, but I withdrew from a class last semester and I don’t want to make it a habit. I don’t know, all I can do is wait and see what I get.

I’m ready to go home Friday. I really miss my family and my best friends. This is going to be total insanity!

I talked to my friend Ciera last night. She and I were apart of little “Crew” in high school called “The Unbreakables.” It consisted of me and my best friend, Shante, and Ciera and her best friend, Satoya.  We were the tightest girl circle in high school. Anyway, she invited us to come down to Atlanta this weekend because she attends Spelman College.  I really wanted to go, but seeing that I’m not even close to being financially stable, I can’t go.  It just makes me mad sometimes because these spoiled little rich kids can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and someone like myself doesn’t get the opportunities. But it’s okay, people that have to work hard for everything they get learn to appreciate thing more than those who just have it handed to them. I just wish I could see why she loves Atlanta so much.

There were these two guys that my friend and I were conversating with on Saturday night.  Well, after I found out (not immediately) that the guy I was talking to had a girlfriend, I mentally drew an “X” over his name.  Well, his friend (the guy that was talking to my friend) sent me a message on Facebook and said that he really wanted to talk to me and that we could keep it on the low. Boy did I set him straight. I don’t like when guys assume that all girls are stupid or trifling creatures. I let him know my opinion of him and what he was trying to pull. I’m pretty sure he won’t be sending me any more messages. Guys never cease to amaze me.  That definitely called for an “OMG!”

Well, my ex-boyfriend, who I am still pretty tight with, Darius, is coming to see me this week. It’s going to be nice to see him. He’s such a cool person and he’s fun to be around so this should be interesting. I’m pretty sure I’ll be saying, “OMG!” a lot when he comes up here. He’s such a character!

I also discovered last night exactly why I do not want a boyfriend. Guys are very sneaky and deceiving. Why is that guys who have girlfriends (that I’m pretty sure are good to them) want to cheat and look for other girls to weave into their “web of deception”? The world may never know. Guys: if you have a good thing, hold onto it, please. Ladies: don’t fall for these no good, two timing guys that wear the “good guy” mask.

That is all. (lol)

The girls are just hanging out in Rhoads Hall tonight. We watched Saw IV, now we’re just sitting around talking. We’re partying tomorrow, but for tonight, we’re just chillin.

Oh, by the way, I’m not sad anymore. I’m quickly picking myself up from a recent fall. True happiness is better than momentary pleasure. No matter how happy I was at the particular moment, there’s nothing greater than being truly happy with yourself.

I am happy because I love myself.  I am also grateful to know that there are a few people at VCU that actually do love me. Olivia, Quandra, and Glenna, thank you for showing me love and the meaning of true friendship.

The best way to discover if love is true or not, is to test it.  When tested, true love will still stand, but love that is not pure, will easily fade. So, love yourself, and only give love to those who are willing to show you the same.  Love is a precious emotion, and it should not be wasted, but carefully distributed.

It took me some time to realize this, but I learned it. I learned it tonight.  I learned the true meaning of love.

I have made a decision that I am cutting my social life in half and focusing more on the reason I came to college: to get an education.  I feel like I’ve lost sight of my goals and it’s time to get back on track. 

I love me! So if I have no one else to run to, that’s just fine. I will always have myself.  I will never let “me” down. I can never hurt my own feelings.  I can not be hurt after I’ve set high expectations for myself that I didn’t live up to.  People: they do not meet these qualifications.  They will let you down, make you cry, disappoint you, lie to you, and stab you in the back.  This is why I run to “me.”

Today, I may be a little sad. But, tomorrow, everything will be okay.

I have friends. Today, I have friends. Tomorrow is uncertain.  Who knows who will be there for me tomorrow.  Today, people smile and we share laughs. Tomorrow, I may cry; they may still laugh.

Sometimes, no one understands. This is why I write. My pen and paper know me. When I am happy, they rejoice. When I am sad, they sympathize. This is why I write. This is why I share my inner thoughts with my pen and paper. Yesterday, I wrote. Today, I write. Tomorrow, I will write. This is the only thing that is certain.

Today, is a boring day. There isn’t a lot happening right now. But, it’s still early, so who knows. Today, I’ve been feeling a little confused about everything. You can probably see this in my writing, because I am rambling.

Yesterday, I didn’t know. Today, I care. Tomorrow, I love. This is what I want: Love. I want the kind of love that when asked the question: “Do you love her?” (as it applies to yesterday, today, or tomorrow) he can answer: Yes.

Today, I am hopeful. I know good things are in my near future. Today, I wait until I am shown. Today, is a new day.

Since I got to VCU, I’ve been the type of girl that really doesn’t want to put her heart out there because I’ve seen my friends get hurt so many times.  I don’t know, I mean, I do know that he and I are just friends and we’re just, you know, hanging out, but he is so cool. He’s similiar to me in the sense that we both crave attention and we love to make people laugh. We’re both also mean as:You know what! (lol)

I’m just thinking, I want more. I want to experience love like I never have. Even if it’s not love immediately, it would be nice for it to grow into love. I mean, he gives me those butterflies that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m always anxious to see him, and I get upset when he leaves.

No matter what though, I can not tell him. If I do, he will only take advantage of it, and I can’t have that. So I will be silent. I will say nothing. I will sit and think. I will keep it all in. If I could only tell him how much I like him. If only telling him my inner thoughts was a possibility. If only I could tell him how I could be his everything and he could be my world.

For now: I’ll just think; just ponder on the day when we exchange – words, thoughts, and love.

It’s good because I can pull in one of my friends. The bad thing is, I am the only one who has a number, but I have three other friends. It’s kind of hard to make a decision because I wouldn’t mind living with TWO of my three friends. So we decided to draw out of a hat. We did so many re-draws, then we finally decided that we would draw ONE final time. So my roomate for next year is (drumroll please): QUANDRA SHAW!

I mean, either way, we are all going to be in eachother’s dorms, (just like this year) so it really doesn’t matter. I’m just thanking God for that lucky number 13!

I went to Newport News Sunday, but when I tried to purchase the phone, they told me I couldn’t because my grandmother was not present.  I was a little upset, but I figured that I could wait a little longer since I already had waited about a month!

I was happy because I hate being up here without a phone.  I hated not being able to talk to my mother and my grandmother everyday.  I was also happy because my grandmother and father finally got a chance to meet another very important person in my life: Miss Olivia.  It was kind of funny though because my grandma showed her my baby pictures and Olivia laughed as she snapped pictures of them with her phone.  I wasn’t embarassed though, hey, I was a cute baby!

We didn’t get back to Richmond until about 3 in the morning.  I really appreciate the fact that Olivia came even though she had a test to study for: True Friendship.

So now that my service has been reconnected: I can’t seem to shut this stupid phone up! They say “Silence is Golden,” but I don’t want to be without my phone again: So I guess I’ll settle for Copper! (Think about it!)